How Minnesota Are You?

Though there are no immediate plans to create a loyalty oath or a test for residency, being a Minnesotan means more than liking walleye, Joe Mauer, and those sweaters Kevin McHale wears. (Ridiculing Iowa is no longer OK; things are that bad there.) We have a set of singular pastimes that make us who we are, and unless you’ve experienced them, well, you’re an outsider—even if you keep your hot dish recipes together with a rubber binder and elongate your o’s.

OK, how do you join this secret society? Easy. On the following pages are sixty must-do Minnesota experiences. Complete them all, and you’ll be invited to join the club. Not there yet? The path to sainthood is paved with self-doubt and modesty. —Adam Platt

Play Dylan on Highway 61
Forever memorialized by Bob Dylan’s 1965 album Highway 61 Revisited, the road stretches from the Canadian border to New  Orleans, minus the Minnesota section between Wyoming and Duluth where I–35 consumes it. Highway 61’s southern Great  River Road, which skirts the area’s forested limestone bluffs along the Mississippi, and its northern North Shore Scenic Drive, which follows Lake Superior’s rugged coast, make Minnesota’s best two-segment road trip—listening to Dylan makes it even better.

Hit 50 at the IDS Center
What Minnesotan wasn’t a trifle abashed when the fifty-seven-story IDS Center thrust itself into the ether above the Nicollet Mall—a startling and, by local standards, ostentatious middle finger to the historic restraint of the downtown skyline? The once-tallest Twin Cities building is today the elegant and energizing landmark its New York designers, Philip Johnson and John Burgee, had in mind. Enjoy the view from the fiftieth floor, at Windows on Minnesota’s Sunday brunch. 612-376-7404

Float Your Boat on Lake Minnetonka
We may be the land of 10,000 lakes, but for those who have a boat on Minnetonka, there’s only one. A lake so prestigious it has its own website. Sure, you can experience it from the shore or from the decks of such infamous hot spots as Lord Fletcher’s, North Coast, and Maynard’s. But to truly immerse yourself in Lake culture, you need a boat. A very big boat. And a tour guide—preferably one who can fill you in on all the gossip from the estates belonging to the Pillsburys, Daytons, Burnets, Jacobses, and other Lakes elites.

Consort with Lorie
We’re a reserved lot here in Minnesota. Nothing too over the top. We’re not a big-hair or big-hat kind of state. Maybe that’s why we love Lorie Line. She puts it out there and takes us with her—but not too far—we can only handle so much. But she knows that. She’s one of us. We know her beginnings—playing the piano at Dayton’s downtown. Now twenty-seven albums (and 5 million copies) later, she and her pop chamber orchestra hit the road and play eighty-plus stages a year—including twelve in Minnesota. And the holiday show? It’s on ice, baby. Dec. 8–15, Orpheum Theatre

Get to the Mayo Clinic Before You Die
When was the last time you heard about a Minnesotan flying to the United Arab Emirates for a major medical procedure? (OK, maybe Thailand.) The nineteenth-century creation of the physician brothers Mayo remains what it’s been for most of the past century: the planet’s ultimate medical destination and the last, best hope for patients around the world. It may be a fourteen-hour flight from Dubai to Rochester, but for us, it’s only a ninety-minute drive down U.S. Highway 52.

Hit a Target and Love It
Of course you’ve been to Target. Until recently we could have steered you to the Snelling Avenue location in Roseville, store 001, but, alas, it was bulldozed for a shiny new SuperTarget. As you stuff your cart with life’s essentials, a $19.99 shirt, a supercute $24.99 handbag, and a couple of—ah, what the heck—throw pillows, just remember, all of this genius is directed by a couple of skyscrapers worth of folks downtown.

Tour the State Fair Animal Barns While Eating Anything on a Stick
Swine, fried food, award-winning baked goods, rides, shows, amazing displays of cellulite, fresh-squeezed lemonade, church breakfasts, baby animals, baby people, Weird Al Yankovic, and grounds covered with sharp sticks. (Though you may be tempted, do not use them to prod people.) Aug. 23–Sept. 3, Snelling Ave. N. at Como Ave., St. Paul, 651-288-4400

Belly Up to the Best Bar
One step through the door of Nye’s—and poof—you’re in another place. You can feel it, hear it, smell it. Before you even make it to the bar to order a long neck Grain Belt, you pass through Lou’s lair. The infamous Lou Snider holds court at the equally infamous piano bar where everyone sings along. And it ain’t the whisky talking. It’s a rite of passage. You may be a blink from the banks of the Mississip’, but there’s no doubt you’ll be singing New York, New York. Don’t let your journey stop there. There’s another door in the back of the bar, the one with the round window. Well, you already know that. Nye’s Polonaise Room, 112 Hennepin Ave. E., Mpls., 612-379-2021

Mug for the Camera under Spoonbridge and Cherry
Claes Oldenburg’s 1988 whimsy is well on its way to becoming the symbol that most says “Minneapolis.” The adjacent Walker-curated sculpture garden is a kick and a half as well. Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, Vineland Place at Hennepin Ave.