Q&A with Mike Gelfand

For closet liberals stuck listening to the KQ Morning Show in loading docks, break rooms, and county jails, Mike Gelfand is a godsend. The diminutive depressive with the nasally voice of reason got his start on the show after taking one of the first newspaper buyouts in town (back when the Minneapolis Star merged with the Tribune). “I was the beat writer on the Twins in the mid-seventies,” he remembers, “And I referred to Bombo Rivera’s fans as ‘The Hesus-Freaks,’ because that was his actual name, and the paper refused to print it.” He doesn’t miss the PC weirdness of working for a newspaper, even though for the past twenty-one years he’s worked on a show more likely to stir it up.

For my reading public, I have to point out “Stretch” is your nickname because you’re short. Who’s the genius that came up with that?
The ironic part of it is my physical stature, but the more tangible part is I started out on the show calling in picks from the track. It was 1986, the second year the track was open. That was my entrŽe into the show—I’d call in and we would banter. It was me who came up with it. Tom said, “Well, who is this?” And I said, “Stretch.” And then he started calling me the “Stretch Monster.”

So you copped your own nickname?
I was stuck in the Runyonesque aura of the racetrack. Back then it seemed logical.

Over the last ten years, what’s your estimate on the rate of use of the nervous chuckle?
Probably a lot less than it used to be, that’s for sure. If I was nervously chuckling, it was four years ago, when we got into a lot of political discussion. We all regretted it. Not only did it get us away from what was entertaining, but it got us away from the real affection we felt for each other.

You’re talking about you and Tom?
Yeah. I think we’ve rediscovered that. You know, Tom and I have been friends since the beginning of the show. And thanks to Tom, I’ve been able to go to the track, I’ve been able to raise my children, I’ve been able to not work very hard and still make a living. And more than that, Tom’s been a friend when I needed him. And there was a period where we let the politics get between that. I think we’ve moved past that.

What was going on?
I was getting more liberal or basically not changing politically, and maybe he was a little bit. And I think that we foolishly, on a personal and a commercial level, let that get in the way. Or at least I did, I shouldn’t speak for Tom. But we’ve had some perspective.

Was this a 9/11 thing?
A lot of it was the Wellstone situation. And it was just a different viewpoint on where the country was going. Now we have similar perspectives.

There’s a lot of racial material on the show, and it’s created a lot of notoriety. You’re OK with racial material?
I’m OK with material that’s politically incorrect, yeah. And that’s usually where we are. But people’s perception varies depending on their own perspective and their own history.

Where is the show going now?
We’re all just a little more mellow than we were. And that’s a natural process of maturation that comes over the years.

How can guys doing fart jokes and gay jokes talk about maturation?
Everyone’s interested in sex. Those jokes will never go away. And when they’re two years old, kids laugh when someone farts.

You don’t think farts are funny?
I’ve never really been into fart culture.