Fashion

Wearing a baseball cap indoors
Wear it backward, we deduct another thirty IQ points.

Wearing anything with a pro sports logo if you’re older than eight and your team is not in the World Series

Shirts open below the second button, on men or women      

Ponytails on men
Yeah, you’re making a statement. You’re saying, “I am a chump.”

Mullets     

Necktie visible below your shirt collar
Ask your mom to check before you leave the house in the morning.

Neckties that celebrate your passion for golf (tennis, hunting, fishing . . . )     

Suit pants too short
Actually, any pants too short.

A cowboy hat unless you’re a cowboy
While astride a horse, okey-dokey. Striding down Nicollet Mall, you look like an ass.

Sandals on men
The socks only make it worse. 

Fanny packs
Just look at yourself.

Butts and bellies at work
Take another look.

Anything fur
Barbaric. Shame on you.