SOCIAL: Minnesotans are sociable people, as long as they don’t have to talk much or look you in the eye. To interact with them successfully, you should know:
HOW TO: Decline an invitation
True Minnesotans never say no to a party invitation. Instead, they make up excuses for why they can’t attend. One of their kids is sick. Work has gotten crazy. Their mother fell and broke her hip. Such white lies are okay in Minnesota society, as long as you make it clear that you would of course have loved to accept the invitation but are bound by other, weightier obligations.
HOW TO: Get a date
Ladies, if you’re sitting around waiting for a born-and-bred Minnesota male to ask you out, you better have a comfortable chair. Not that Minnesota men aren’t great fun on a date; they just lack the alpha gene necessary to approach a woman and ask her out. “Do you eat meat?” is about as close as they’ll come to a dinner invitation. So ladies, take pity on these shy creatures: Grab them by the arm, drag them to Manny’s, pour a few beers down their throat, and everything will work out fine. Minnesota men are loyal and they work hard—and, with a little professional training, they make great companions.
| How to Give a gift
When giving a gifts Minnesotans always include a gift receipt so that the giftee can return the item if they so desire. Why? Because Minnesotans are never confident that they have purchased the “perfect” gift, since perfection for a Minnesotan is by definition impossible. The gift-receipt system thoughtfully affords the giftee the option of spending four hours of their weekend exchanging the item for something they want, at a store they would never shop at in a million years. How to Accept a Gift
Minnesotans love gifts but are incapable of graciously accepting one on the first give. Any gift, no matter how small, must be refused at least three times before a Minnesotan can accept it. The conversation goes something like this:
“I got something for you.” “Oh, you shouldn’t have.” “I think you’ll like it.” “I can’t accept it. I didn’t get anything for you.” “It’s nothing, really.” “That’s awfully nice of you, but I don’t need anything.” “If you don’t like it, you can exchange it.” “Well, okay—if you’re sure.” The key is for the giver to deny the value and thoughtfulness of the gift, and for the recipient to deny their desire to receive the gift. Only then can the gift be opened, appreciated, and, eventually, exchanged. |
The Mpls.St.Paul Passive-Aggressive Decoder Ring!
Minnesotans have a reputation for being passive-aggressive, which means it’s sometimes difficult to tell what they’re really saying or feeling. But with the Mpls.St.Paul Passive-Aggressive Decoder Ring on your finger, all those annoying layers of linguistic deflection are stripped away, and all you hear is the clear, bright ring of truth. Here’s how it works:
| WHAT THEY SAY | WHAT YOU HEAR |
| “That’s interesting.” | “That’s the craziest %!*&@!$# thing I’ve ever heard!” |
| “That’s different.” | “That’s the craziest %!*&@!$# thing I’ve ever seen!” |
| “If you say so.” | “I don’t care what you say.” |
| “It’s not my favorite.” | “I hate, hate, HATE it.” |
| “She’s a character.” | “She’s a lunatic—a total nut job.” |
| “He’s a talker.” | “Does he ever shut up?” |
| “Things could be worse.” | “Things could be a heckuva lot better.” |
| “Things happen for a reason.” | “He got exactly what he deserved.” |
| “Okay, if that’s what you want.” | “I’m filing for divorce” |
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