Mastering Minnesota: How to Be Practical

GET PRACTICAL:
Minnesotans are practical people who know how to do things with their bare hands. So grab a pair of gloves and get to work.

Four MORE Things to Do with Rhubarb

1. Make an insecticide:
   Boil as many leaves as you can cram into a gallon of water. Boil for 20 minutes, cool, add some liquid soap, then bottle and spray.
2.  Cook up hair coloring:
   Boil ½ cup of rhubarb in two cups of water for 15 minutes. Cool overnight, then strain. Apply reddish liquid generously to hair you are trying to destroy (er, color).
3. Create paper:
   Yes, paper can be made from rhubarb fibers. Artists like it for its rough texture. Kids like the way it tastes in a spitball fight.
4. Write about it:
   Ever heard a limerick about rhubarb? Rhubarb when raw is so tough And its leaves contain poisonous stuff
   But when cleaned and de-soiled Dipped in sugar and boiled The stalks are quite tasty enough. —Adapted from rhubarbinfo.com

Four Things to Do with a Tree Stump
If y you live in Minnesota long enough, at some point you’ll need to figure out what to do with a tree stump. There are only four things you can do:

1. Hollow it out and turn it into a planter.
2. Hire someone to grind it into the ground and cover the hole with dirt.
3. Wrap chains around it and yank it out with a truck.
4. Carve it into a bear with a chainsaw. That’s about it—take your pick.

If you decide your tree stump needs to be a bear sculpture, here—according to acclaimed St. Paul wood sculptor Curtis Ingvoldstad (woodsculpture.net)— is how to do it:

Study industrial engineering and art for many years.

Spend $3,000 on lots of different saws and sandpaper, and practice for five years or so.

Make sure you have a gigantic stump, 8 to 10 feet high and more than 18 inches wide. Preferably oak or maple.

Sketch your bear on a piece of paper and visualize it in 3-D.

Mark a rough outline on the tree using a Sharpie or colored pencil, noting the biggest chunks that will need to be removed first (e.g., around the shoulders and head).

Fire up your saw and start carving the basic outline of the bear, using the image of the beast in your mind to guide you.

Carve the details—eyes, ears, nose, paws, and then hair. Sand to perfection.

Paint, stain, and apply three coats of oil-based finish. Let dry.

Invite the neighborhood kids over. Hide behind your creation and yell “rrrooaaaarrrr” when the kids arrive. If they run, your work is complete.