We Gather Together

Nor does your family have to resemble the Cleavers for your children to get the full effect. Eisenberg refers to a recent study by colleague Dianne Neumark–Sztainer suggesting that family meals provide positive effects even among kids who report a not-so-great relationship with their parents.

One of the most fascinating findings about family meals is that time spent around the table together is a stronger predictor of a child’s academic success than time spent at school, at church, studying, playing sports, or doing other enriching activities. That’s apparently because dinnertime is generally the most language-rich part of the day, when parents are most likely to discuss ideas and define words for their progeny—and vice versa. Case in point, the discussion at our table the other night: “If Superman is from Krypton, how come he gets all sick around kryptonite?” our six-year-old wanted to know. My husband and I were stumped, but his four-year-old brother proposed that “oxidation” caused by exposure to the earth’s atmosphere reversed Superman’s immunity to his home rock. The latter’s vocabulary was impressive, the half-chewed hot dog in his mouth as he spoke not so much.

“Family meals are just one piece of the puzzle,” Eisenberg says. “It’s not a magic bullet, it’s not going to save every child, but it is one thing that families can do, and adding one or two meals a week can make a big difference.”

Planning those meals—which, according to one U of M study, almost half the families sampled didn’t do— has been shown to improve the chances that your kids will eat fruits and vegetables at mealtime and cuts down on that early evening “What’s for dinner?” grazing that derails so many good intentions.

Finally, there’s no rule that says the family meal has to be dinner. “A Saturday breakfast or a Sunday brunch could work just as well if everyone is there and able to enjoy it,” says Fulkerson. Resnick adds that parents should resist the temptation to turn the meal into a “disciplinary dumping ground” where problems that have accumulated over the past several days are aired. Better, he says, to create a sense of ritual—“sharing stories, breaking bread.” That means, by the way, turning off the television, which remains on during mealtime in nearly four out of ten households surveyed. “Talk with one another!” says Resnick.

Talk, paradoxically, turns out to be one area in which American families seem to excel. Though UNICEF gave the United States poor scores when it came to family meals, we ranked eighth when fifteen-year-olds were asked how many had parents who spent some time each day talking to them. Experts say if we moved those conversations to the dinner table more often we could beat out the Italians—and reap the health benefits for the rest of our lives.

You can reach columnist Laura Billings at edit@mspmag.com.