Love Medicine

One expression of good health that is enjoyed far more by married people than by singles is sex. “Married people have sex more regularly because they have access to a partner, which is half the battle,” notes Bean Robinson, associate director of the University of Minnesota’s Program in Human Sexuality. Estimates suggest that, depending on age, married people have sex 25 to 300 percent more often than single people do. (The research shows that married couples under thirty make love an average of 112 times a year, those over seventy average around 16 times.) “But how many times people have sex has very little correlation with satisfaction,” says Michael Metz, a St. Paul psychologist, marriage therapist, and author of Men’s Sexual Health: Fitness for Satisfying Sex. Not nearly as preoccupied with performance anxiety or proving how many times a month is “normal,” married couples, he says, experience “more intimate, satisfying, and regular encounters.”

While sex typically doesn’t burn enough calories to count as a good cardio workout, Robinson says having the desire and the ability to do it can be a good indicator of overall health. Research suggests that couples in happy marriages have sex more often than other couples—or is it that couples who have sex more often have happier marriages? “It’s kind of a feedback loop,” Robinson says. “The more you do it, the more loving and bonded you feel with your partner—[and] the more loving and bonded you feel toward your partner, the more you do it.”

One of the engines behind this powerful human drive is the hormone oxytocin—often called the “love hormone” or, more cloyingly, the “cuddle chemical”—which surges during sex and less supercharged contact such as massage. Among its many benefits, oxytocin has been shown to counter the effects of the stress hormone cortisol and even reduce a craving for sweets. Metz says, “Sexual release is one of the major adult anti-anxiety techniques available,” with health benefits so far-ranging they may be hard to quantify—not that researchers don’t try. One recent British study found that intercourse-induced oxytocin helps cut the stress of public speaking and solving arithmetic problems out loud—results you may want to duplicate before your next Power Point presentation.

After sex, married people tend to sleep together—which may also have an impact on their health. For his 2006 book Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing, U of M family social science professor Paul Rosenblatt interviewed more than forty Twin Cities couples, asking probing questions about what goes on under the covers. “The most surprising finding was how many people thought they were still alive because they shared a bed with another person,” he says. A handful of his subjects had helped diagnose sleep apnea in their partners, a few had saved their bedmates from diabetic shock, and one man had become aware of his wife’s seizure because her spooning position had changed during the night. Though Rosenblatt concedes he has no scientific reason for saying so, he adds, “Even in the depths of our sleep, we are aware of our partners and we know when something is different and when they may need our help.”

Cynics will look at the evidence differently. For years, men have been shown to be the major health benefactors of married life simply because single men have fared much worse. But study results released last summer by Michigan State University suggest that the wellness gap is closing as single men seem to be taking better care of themselves.

Still, there is some fresh science that lovers may find useful this month. Researchers at Rutgers University’s Human Emotions Lab have found that women who unexpectedly receive flowers display signs of instant happiness—and that their good mood lasts at least three days. Marriage may not give you eternal life, but a nice bouquet could set you up for a very happy Valentine’s weekend.