Friends With Benefits

There are some simple reasons why people with good relationships—whether romantic or platonic—are more likely to lead healthier lives.

First of all, having good relationships can help you make positive decisions for your health, explains Carol Bruess, Ph.D., director of family studies at the University of St. Thomas and author of What Happy Couples Do. “That other person is persuasive in helping you make better choices,” she says. “In an intimate relationship, you are affected by the day-to-day choices that other person makes.” This means that people tend to have a sense of responsibility for their health within a relationship, Bruess says. If someone depends on you, such as a spouse, chances are you’re not going to engage in risky behavior. Or, you might be more inclined to make better decisions, such as eating well or staying in shape.

Though there are many factors in life that cause stress—including relationships—research shows a correlation between relationship satisfaction and lower levels of stress and anxiety, says David Wolf, Ph.D., author of Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious Living. Higher stress and anxiety levels raise the risk of such problems as heart disease, cancer, or migraine headaches, but being in a healthy relationship can help lower stress and, therefore, reduce the risk of disease. Connecting with someone else can make you feel better. It’s that simple.

“The mere fact that you feel better after having a cup of coffee with a friend and a good laugh is enough for us to conclude that it’s good for us,” says Molly Cox, an Eagan–based inspirational and humor speaker. But connecting, and not just being in the presence of someone else, Cox says, is usually required to get a positive effect. In other words, you have to be in the moment. “The more you can connect with others and see where they are coming from, the less you’re going to worry about yourself.”

Interacting with others also has its benefits for the aging mind—at least that’s the case for women, says a study published in the July 2008 issue of the American Journal of Public Health. Throughout the course of three years, researchers tracked the social interactions of women who were at least seventy-eight years old and free of dementia when the study began. By 2005, women with larger social networks were 25 percent less likely to have developed dementia than women with smaller social networks. Another study published in the journal in July 2008 by Harvard researchers concluded that an active social life helped preserve memory for those fifty and older.

If you want your relationships to work for you, here are a few tips from the experts:

+ Be positive. Bruess suggests picking one interaction you have every day and try out positivity. This can be as simple as having a friendly exchange with a co- worker in the morning. Doing this intentionally and thoughtfully, she says, can make you feel better. Negativity is contagious, but so is positivity.

+ Have rituals. “We know, based on decades of research, that rituals serve to maintain our relationships and make us happier in relationships,” Bruess says. From regular lunch outings with colleagues or a weekly movie night with a spouse, there are numerous options. And it’s not just the rituals themselves. The anticipation of spending time with close friends or family can be as beneficial and give us as much of an endorphin high as actually doing it, Zilton says.

+ Slow down and enjoy your time with someone. It’s a lost art, Cox says. “Any touch point is an opportunity for connection.” Give another person the courtesy of being in the moment, Cox advises.

+ If a relationship is not going well, seek help from a third party, Bruess advises. “It’s a sign of strength to say that your relationship is so valuable that you’re willing to work on it.”